Friendships are often portrayed with reference only to the good - laughter, support, cooperation, altruism. But like everything else, it has its dark side - envy, bitterness, manipulation. Diana, Andrea, and I were talking on Twitter about the rifts that personal success can bring to what you thought were long-held friendships. You expect your friends to celebrate and support your success and when they don't, it leaves you bewildered, angry and confused. I don't believe that this is because they aren't really your friends at all - friendships, just like romantic relationships, aren't all about the good. So this leaves me to thinking - how do we navigate the negatives of friendship? Are you friends only with those who you think are equal with you? And when this balance starts to change, is the friendship in trouble?
P.S. Sorry to lower the tone but I have plenty of clothes, accessories and shoes still up and ready to find its way to you on Trademe here. Icon on the sidebar too!
P.S. Sorry to lower the tone but I have plenty of clothes, accessories and shoes still up and ready to find its way to you on Trademe here. Icon on the sidebar too!
♥Blue cardigan from Valleygirl ♥ Black top from Glassons ♥ Floral tights from Cotton On ♥ Flats from Topshop ♥ Bag from Equip ♥
Love those colours!! The bluey purple with the muted grey and mossy green = love!
ReplyDeleteFriendships, hmmmmm I always try and hang on for as long as possible (after all I think it's ridiculous to expect someone to be cheerful and upbeat 24/7!) but then when the negative vibes either go on for too long or are too offensive I tend to let go and let it drift. I think friendshps do sometimes have a shelf life and they can falter when circumstances change for both parties. Very thought provoking - thank you Ana.B!
I agree somewhat with sam. I try to nurture the friendships I have with people, and when things get rocky, you work on it just like you would a serious relationship. I've managed to keep many friends from as old as primary school, even though we don't talk as much because we're all on different continents around the world. I've only ever had a couple of bad breakups with friends, but we were never that close to begin with...
ReplyDeleteIf a friendship becomes toxic (ie- heartburn, anxiety, sweaty palms at the sound of their ringtone) I avoid them as much as possible until I have the courage to break up with them.
ReplyDeleteAs for our own success that "true" friends (or so we thought) can't celebrate, I've heard the best thing to do is nothing. Success is the best revenge.
Great post, Ana. The topic of friendship is one that has made me ponder for a long time.
ReplyDeleteFriends don't always "get" you, even the best ones, and I guess that's when it hurts the most. I recently has a conversation with a best friend recently, which basically had her criticising a certain choice I've made in life ( a choice that was different to hers). It was unwanted advice I didn't need nor agree with, and I felt very very hurt by it (lots of tears!). It still plays with my head sometimes. But despite all that, I still consider her a close friend. I don't want to make this one disagreement ruin our 15 years of friendship. I've had other "toxic" friends who I've learnt to just let go of (and what a relief that is!!), but there are others that are worth fighting for - which sometimes means agreeing to disagree.
Sorry for the long rambling! I don't know if that answers your questions at all, haha..
xx
I 'broke up' with a friend at the end of last year when I realised that I only ever dreaded the time we spent together - never looked forward to it - and that after we had spent time together I always felt drained and bad about myself - never energised and happy. I think some people are foul-weather friends: they like it better when we're unhappy or somehow worse off than them because then they can be a counsellor/superhero/shoulder to cry on. Unfortunately it means that they don't always deal with our happiness that well, as it doesn't play into one of those roles.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful photographs once again, your blog is just so aesthetically delightful. Thank you for your vote, it means a lot to me. Remember you can vote as many times as you like and can win some ace prizes! xx
ReplyDeleteWhat a scenic post, the landscape is so breathtakingly beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteI've come to accept that friends come and go. There are just certain people who you connect with at certain points of life. I guess being burned once or twice has make me more wary and jaded, which is sad really...
Your pictures are so perfect and fitting for such an expansive, meditative subject... Wistful and beautiful but also sombre at times. I think it would depend on what basis the friendship is formed on.
ReplyDeleteFloral tights! <3
ReplyDeleteI agree with Diana: "As for our own success that "true" friends (or so we thought) can't celebrate, I've heard the best thing to do is nothing. Success is the best revenge."
I also think that most of our friendships aren't meant to last forever, people change, life passes by and after a few years, you realize you don't have that much in commom any longer, then it might be cleaver to just let go...
Nice cardigan, I love this colour!!
ReplyDeleteThe cardigan looks so comfy <3
ReplyDeletewhat beautiful colours and images! stunning
ReplyDeletex
marian
I don't keep a fairweather friend any longer than it takes to delete their number from my phone.
ReplyDeleteWe're not fairweather friends we're friendz4life xxx
I like to think true friends don't care about who is better than who...a true friend should always be supportive, not judging, and there to listen and talk about anything. They should be the people you feel like you can tell anything to or just sit around in silence with. At least that's what I would like to think. It's not always easy and I have to ask myself if I am being that kind of a friend to others.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, good questions :)
That blue is your color!
ReplyDeleteI kind of suck at friendships. I'm sort of bewildered by my lack of success at them, actually. My best friend from high school just sort of cut me off about a year ago. No idea why. I haven't been able to replace her.
My theory is that friendships in your twenties are really hard because you're still trying to figure out who you are. And in my case, in Alaska, people are always moving out of state and coming back... so that's my excuse. = )
I really wanted to, since my experience at the white house wasn't very pleasant. Rude-ish waiters, crab shells in my ravioli... but damn the chocolate mousse was good! Hawaiian-tiki sounds totally cute!!!
ReplyDeletethanks for the timely post :) i kinda had my first falling out with a "good" friend in the last week (and on my bday as well!).. and now i really know that the friends to keep are those that are always there for you through thick and thin... :)
ReplyDeleteI'm loving your floral leggings.
ReplyDeleteHello Ana! I just stumbled across your blog for the first time! And allt he way from Singapore too! I am loving it! Your photos are amazing. Guess who's going to become a regular here :)
ReplyDeletethanks for dropping by at my blog. I love your blog. I am going to add you to my links. Beautiful blue outfit
ReplyDeleteI had a good friend whom I don't speak to any more because of things like you mentioned.
ReplyDeleteWe started to have different circumstances, though what really soured the friendship was her negativity. I couldn't talk about things - my teaching, my vintage store, my boyfriend - without her injecting in some sort of negative way. She never said nasty, mean things, but what she said always felt hurtful, as though we couldn't talk about anything going on in my life without her belittling it.
Gorgeous leggings!
ReplyDeleteHope U had a great weekend!
X♥X♥
I only have a few close friends but we have a long history together.They've stuck with me and I with them through thick and thin and we have seen each other's best and worst side.
ReplyDeleteFriendship is a 2-sided affair. It's about trust,loyalty, support and acceptance of who you are.Sometimes envy wags it's ugly tail within the circle but a true friend never lets it reside on her heart because she knows that when it's her time to shine you would be there to hug her and celebrate her success too.
If she isn't happy for you and doesn't support you, I'd say ditch the friendship.
Love your leggings!
love the moody shots!
ReplyDeletefriendships are sure tricky. i have been friends with some folks for over 20 years, and we don't see each other, talk or email all that much. but they are still good friends. and i have left many friends by the wayside, and many have done that to me, too. some just come and go. some need too much; some are only around for the good times or to party. it is just funny how it all shakes out.
wow, what beautiful, hazy photos.
ReplyDeletefriendships are complicated just as people are complicated. you raise a good point and something i've often thought about. it takes a gracious person to deal with others' successes and, unfortunately, too many people get consumed by their jealousy and insecurity. on the flip side, some people don't handle success very well...they become haughty and tough to be around. i suppose a good balance, lots of communication and love are what allow a friendship to stay afloat. lovely post.
Friendship to me is about give and take, and it should add and enrich your life, if they don't then they're not really giving you the compaionship and social energy that you need. I think many people haven't always learnt through their life experiences what healthy enriching friendships and relationships are supposed to be like and in times when the friendship is tested this is when these people aren't able to deal so well.
ReplyDeletedon't you look snuggly! I tend to only keep in touch with those few true friends, which have grown to a smaller and smaller number through the years!
ReplyDeleteAwesome post....I've learned to let go of people who don't know what it's like to genuinely be a true friend. You're better off without them and that's their loss, not yours.
ReplyDeleteever since i started college, i have learned the value of TRUE friendships and how hard it is to make and maintain new friendships.
ReplyDeleteI firmly believe friendships can wax and wane, just like romantic relationships--driven by dramatic rifts like the one you mention or the slower drifting apart that we've all seen happen.
ReplyDeleteLove those flowered leggings.
Love that long cardigan - you look adorable!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Diana's comment about letting go of friends.. I'm pretty picky about who I'll spend time with!
I have one "friend" who has recently become a major nuisance (not just in an innocent way, but actually seems to start arguments or bring up awkward topics purposely).. avoidance is the name of the game for me. :)
Sometimes ppl can be like that I guess.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard not to be envious if your world is falling apart and your friends is soaring to new heights.
But true friends will celebrate along side you while you comiserate with them - or vice versa.
Love the color of the cardi! I have a similar one I practically LIVE in!
ReplyDeletex Antonia
WWW.LIVEGLAMORDIE.COM
lovely photos once again..
ReplyDeletelove the floral leggings..
my friends and i don't agree on everything. In fact we don't agree on all things. hahahaha. But somehow never once we fought. We genuinely love each other. Anyway i only have 4 girl friends and 7 guy friends. I don't have that many friends.
ReplyDeleteIn fact we're all not equals. We're completely different from each other. I guess that's the beauty of it. We've all accepted who and what we are, and what we can give and do and sometimes the lack of a certain quality that contributes to the dynamics of friendship.
seriously, am sorry about....the friends you are talking about here. If that happens to me id be shattered.
If there's jealousy it's not worth keeping.
have a great day ana.
I Am Denise Katipunera
You look so cute!
ReplyDeleteLove the flower pants and the mood of the photos :)))
all my kisses girl!
Dreamy, dreamy photos. Love the overcastness. I am Julie at helpingdressmyself.blogspot.com, signing out, thanks for the lovely post.
ReplyDeleteLove those leggings! As for friendships, I used to be best friends with a girl in school - I was the geeky side-kick if you like, made her look good. Then when I grew out of spots and found my style our friendship as it was ended and she went off to uni and found an 'equal' to the former me there. We still chat, but we'll never be how we were. She very much likes to be the star of the show! :) x
ReplyDeleteI love seeing how you put your photo collages together, they always tell such a story
ReplyDeleteI have also been thinking a lot about this lately...noticing that when you have great news or things are falling into place for you it seems hard for some people to celebrate or show interest. It just makes me more aware of it...I never want to be like that, but I'm sure I have in the past...it is too bad that we must always compare ourselves or measure ourselves against others' succes. It just brings hurt...
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter notes...
If you or your readers are interested, I am having a giveaway on my blog: http://nothing-elegant.blogspot.com/2009/11/holiday-giveaway-2010-shoes-wall.html
the colors and focus in these photographs are quite extraordinary. your patient photographer does one heck of a job :)
ReplyDeletethis post really resonates with some thoughts i've had this past year. as long as people are complicated so will their relationships be, friendships most definitely included. while dealing with the negative side of friendship, i always found that it was best to be the bigger person and if that meant walking away, so be it. You quickly learn which relationships will stand the test of time and which ones fizzle out to become distant memories. Friendships aren't immune to nurturing, but if they become unhealthy and resist mutual reinforcement then it's time to let go. I have learned that each friendship, good and bad, serves a purpose. They teach us, help us to grow, and can shape us both subtly and profoundly.
Beautiful photographs and outfit dear Ana.♥
ReplyDeleteI find myself constantly reevaluating my friendships. Not all, I have at least three friends who I consider rocks. But there's those in-between ones that I tend to have 'state of the union' type of inner debates on. Questioning if it's a healthy thing for me. Are they're truly friends? Sincerity is important to me, sincerity and forgiveness... I'm such a flake in life and I tend to keep to myself when I'm going through something difficult.
Sorry for unloading here!
Hope you're having a lovely weekend.♥
I like these blurry moody pictures! The colors! the colors!
ReplyDelete